Tuesday, September 20, 2011

alive !

Missions are just like every good and bad relationship you've ever had haha. You give all that you have, over and over and over and hope that what you get in return will make up for all that you've given. But because everyone has their ability to choose, it just doesn't turn out how we want it to. We don't always get what we feel like we gave. But on the other hand, we can look back at all that we've learned and think, "MAN. THAT'S why I went through that. THAT'S why I've lost the ability to love people how I did, because I can now look and know that I did my part, and now God can help me turn around and learn how to love all over again." Even though all that we've done may have been taken for granted, even though we've given, and given, and given all that we have and STILL feel like we haven't done a thing, we have got to be okay with the fact that our Heavenly Father may be the only One who notices what we do, and loves us for every single bit. Every single smile, every single pencil we've picked up for someone who was completely capable of doing it themselves. Every single door we've held open, every single thank you we haven't received. Heavenly Father notices every single one. And we need to be okay with that. And we need to recognize that He's blessing us for every single thing we do, because if we solely look at the sacrifices, they're going to drown us completely. We're meant to sacrifice, and we're meant to have the hard times in life. But the Godlike quality in us is that we are able to see the beauty of it. We are able to see how pure a handicapped child is, we are able to smile after months and months and months of tears. We are able to talk  to who we 'normally might not have otherwise' and see that this person just needed love, and you were able to give it to them. I probably sound like a Sister Missionary. But as long as I am one. I'll OWN it. hahah
  But it brings me to this story. Yesterday I had to give a talk in Sacrament Meeting. about missionary work! And I had written what I wanted to talk about the other day, but the whole rest of the week was so crazy that I never got to look back on it. All I remembred from it was that I wanted to talk about Enos, from the Book of Mormon. Sooo yesterday came around, and we're sitting up at the stand translating. And I'm thinking. Beautiful. I'm giving a talk today and I have no idea what I had planned. So! I learned early that freaking out does NOT come from God, so I just started praying, and praying, and begging that Heavenly Father would give me every single word to say, and that He would help me give my whole heart to this talk so that the Branch could see how hard we're trying, and so that at least one of them could have their lives changed, or at least their hearts, or perspectives. And so after I was done praying, I had so much 'calmness'..? come over me, and I realized that it was going to be okay. So I went up there and just started talking. And talking and talking, and rarely did I glance over at the talk I had written to know what to say. It was SO COOL. It was one of those moments that foreign language-speaking missionaries talk about, literally opening their mouths and not knowing what they were saying, yet the words just came out. Just like that. Before I knew it, I realized that I was crying and saying what I hadn't planned on saying AT ALL.. but I gave Heavenly Father my heart, and I told Him that I only wanted to do what He wanted me to. And He did it through me instead. As long as we give Him what isn't ours, He will make it better and make it our own. After, so many members were coming up, one in particualr who helps us with our Spanish.. Hna. Rodriguez, comes up to me afterwards and tells me how good my Spanish is, how I didn't make not one mistake. Cool ! She said, "I leaned over to Sister Michel and said, 'THAT girl has the Spirit.' " hahaha it's so crazy, when God works through you when you aren't even realizing it. When He knows the potencial that we don't know we have. When I think back on the handful.. the 3 missionaries or so that completely saved my mission, it makes me wonder if they realized that God was working through them. Because we never ever ever realize it.
  Anyway, I have a timer on this computer and got to get going. But I love you all so so very much, and I think about you in a non-distracting way. ;)
The Church is so completely true
La Hermana B.

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