Friday, September 30, 2011

oh my gosh... a mom

  haha. So I'm gonna be 'a mom' in the mission, startinggg tomorrow ! With a SUPER fresh verdita.. who I know absolutely nothing about haha..covering a stake, the equivalent of 6 English-speaking areas. hahah WHATT am I gonna do !! But it's okay. Because allll day long on Saturday, which is when we get transfer calls, I had felt so much peace about what was going to happen, with the feeling that I was gonna be called to be a trainer. But I didn't want to 'sike' (?.. I can't spell that) myself out. But let me start from the beginning of Saturday and break it all down.. k.
  Sooo it started with the baptism of Lorena. We had visited her Friday night, because she was going to be working at her hot dog stand alone where it's dangerous, so we stayed with her over there. And while she's talking on the phone to her daughter, a customer came up while I was in the hot dog stand, and talking to the Zone Leaders on the phone hahh ! So. I put the Zone Leaders on hold, and this customer just asks for change, so I figured I could do THAT. But THEN she actually orders something. So I had no other option but to be like.. "Welll. I don't work here.. but let me get the person that does ! She cooks good !" ....hah awkward. But anyway, that has no point to the story. So we stayed with Lorena and were trying to help her out, because the next morning was her baptism. So that morning we're getting everything ready, and I just felt like all of a sudden we needed to call her. So we did, and she was abslutely hysterical, crying and telling us about how everything that could possibly go wrong and turn against her did, even her family. So we tried talking her through it all, and she finally calmed down. Her baptism was at 3 p.m., and she was going to be early to change and everything, but she ended up coming right before, alone. but she was there! And we got her changed and everything, and I'm not even kidding you, it was like a movie. I was the one saying the opening prayer at her baptismal service, and after I got done praying, I looked up and sat down.. and I saw her husband, Jose, walking in crying. It was SO incredible. Before she got baptized, Jose asked if he could come up and say some words.. which none of us werethinking as gonna happen. But he got up, and started talking about how right after Lorena had left, some pastors from the church that she used to go to, who had never been to their house before, came by, asking Jose where Lorena was so they could talk to her and see if she was sure that getting baptized would be the right thing for her. It was so incredible, realizing how hard Satan had worked, but Lorena was still being guided to do what the right thing was, without even realizing what would have happened had she stayed a little longer at her house, because who really knows what would have happened had she stayed. Heavenly Father is SO SO completely aware of each and every one of us, and every single thing that we can and can't handle.
  So after the baptism, we went to the Relief Society session of General Conference, which was broadcasted everywhere. And the talk that touched ME the most, as I'm sure is the same one that touched a lot fo people the most haha, was President Uchtdorf's talk, about Forget-Me-Not flowers. I can't remember exactly all of the talk, but it was so incredible,. He ve us 5 things that we should never forget, and in the end he said with the most power and love that I have ever heard, "I want you to never forget how much your Heavenly Father knos and loves each and every one of you, and that not one of you are forgotten to Him." So I was thinking about these flowers right. And I'm thinking about how they're so little, as President Uchtdorf described them, that it's so easy to overlook them, because we're so blinded by the big beautiful roses. And I started to think about how I think of myself. And how it doesn't matter, it really really doesn't, what position I have in this world. How much importance I may have in the yes of that person, or the other person. Maybe sometimes the most important thing really IS that we go unnoticed for a lot, that we may be the little flicker of fire that nobody really really notices, but it still keeps everything a little lighter. Without that little 'unimportant' flicker that we have, everything goes a little bit darker.. the clouds are just a little bit heavier, and the way in front of us is a little bit foggier. But the reality of it all is that we all may be little Forget-Me-Nots that all come together in the most b-e-a-Utiful garden that anyone's evr seen. hah how corny. But it just reminds me of how important every single one of us really really is. I am so thoroughly convinced that the majority of the time we do not see ourselves, talk about ourselves, or think of ourselves in any way similar to how Heavenly Father thinks of us. But we're just the Forget-Me-Nots that aren't ever forgotten. :)
  Soo after the Conference, we didn't have much time, so we did some visits really quick before going home. And then Elder Smith, the Assistant who helps do transfer planning and knows everything about transfers, came by to pick up something he had left at the baptism. So we asked if he would just give us the news, since it was after 9 and..time for news haha. And he turns to me and says, "..Diddd you get a call today ?" because President Miller calls trainers to ask if they're willing to train. And I said no, and remembered the baptism, because President and Sister Miller came, and he came and sat down next to m to ask me something, and all of the missionaries turned to look over at what he was gonna tell me, because they all thought I was gonna train hah ! Even though he just asked me a regular question. And so finally at like. 9:20, I get a call from President, saying that he felt/feels that I'm cut out for this. Haha I haveno idea what is going to go down. But I figure that everything is more in Heavenly Father's hands than it is in mine. I just don't ever ever want to let Him down. That is one of the worst feelings I feel someone can have. Kind of like when you doing something wrong, and instead of getting punished, your mom or dad says to you, "I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed in you." and walks away. HOW TORTURE IS THATT. hah, but we'll see what goes down. Heavenly Father is the most amazing miracle-worker one could ever have.
  Nos vemos entonces..? No tengo nada mas que decirles, sino que este tan agradecida por todas sus oraciones. A lo mejor, me estoy repitiendo, pero yo se que cada una de ss oraciones es escuchada por su Padre Celestial, y tal como dijo el Presidente Uchtdorf, "Ustedes estan mas cerca de cielo que piensan."
  Les quiero tanto.. y SHOUTS to Momma !! Everyone wish her a feliz cumpleanos manana (9/27/2011).. momma. Gracias por ensenarme mas que yo hubiera podido aprender de una mama. Tu me has creado, me has criado, y me has mostrado como amar con todo mi corazon. Nunca he conocido a nadie como tu, y nadie puede llenar el espacio que tu tienes en mi vida, y en mi corazon. Eres la mejor ama que yo podria haber pedido.
Hasta Octubre....
La Hermana B.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

hitting 13 months ...

  Sooo this week. was a WEEK. This is the last week until transfers, and who knows at ALL what's gonna happen haha. But anyway. So yesterday was "Missionary Temple Monday" ! It was the most incredible temple that I've ever had as a missionary. I realized that it doesn't matter where we are.. but when we focus, and reallyyy focus on our Heavenly Father is when we feel Him the most. It's not when we are focusing on ourselves, what others think of us, what our actions may look like to others around us. If our main focus is on our Heavenly Father, THEN He will come. THEN will He be with us stronger than ever. It's just so hard when every single outside thing of the world is competing for attention to take us away from Him. But I could ask any missionary or returned missionary why they love their missions so much. Because it is the opportunity to really really put our focus on Him. I don't see why anyone would want anything else.
  I also learned so much more about love this week. After talking to some people that have had 'good lives', full of vacations, and money, always-clean houses and experiences that they're always gonna remember. But having such a huge lack of loce in the home, where the family has tried to buy love, or provide a way for their children to have these experiences, but without them. At times I feel like parents let their children grow too much from their experiences away from home, rather than growing from their experiences IN the home. Thereis so much more, in MY opinion, that can be gained from being at home, and learning from your family. Sure, I haven't gone on vacations. I've never gone away to go to school. But I would never trade the love that I had felt and gained from my family for any of that. It doesn't matter how much of the world I don't know. It doesn't matter that I've never seen something like a waterfall in my life, or gone on a big rollercoaster, or temporary things like that. I have learned and learned from my family that there is a way to love and be loved in this life when there is nothing left. I love the struggle together, I love the simplicity of everything that comes in a home life, where I would super-selfishly comment about how "we have nothing to eat"..staring in front of a cupboard full of food. But I have learned so much more from my adorable mom asking me over and over again if I wanted cheese and crackers, or french toast, or apples and peanut butter, or any of the simple things-even though I would just say no to be difficult-, than I EVER could have learned from er sending me off to school, or on a vacation. Not that I am saying that any of that is wrong. Everyone needs to have a good balance of growing on their own, and with someone. But I feel that it is most important to focus on the fact that the family is most important to God, so we need to find te reason for it being the most important. We need to find what we need to learn from them, or we will take all of or youth in vain.
  By the way! Our investigator, Lorena, is getting baptized this weekend!! She had been taught for months by the missionaries, and apparently was so hard-hearted, and into the Christian church that she was going to. But since I'm still new here, from what I learned, the missionaries just gave her a Book of Mormon and told her to read it. And she did, and it changed everything. Everything. And now, she tells us all the time, "My goal is to go to the temple. I need to do whatever is necessary to go to the temple, because I KNOW that that is what Heavenly Father wants me to do. I KNOW that I need to get baptized so that I can go, so I'm going." We need to follow her example for following Jesus Christ's. We take the temple for granted so much, and there are people like her who DREAM of being able to enter it. It is such a blessing that we have.. it's one of the infinity that we have.
  Que Dios les bendiga, en cada paso de su camino. o no puedo estar con ustedes ahora, pero yo se que Dios es mad Poderoso que yo. Yo SE que El quita nuestros pecados, y nuestras imperfecciones, pero que seamos mas como Su Hijo Unigenito. Yo lo se. Si nada mas.
  Les amo ! Yo hable el Espanol en esta carta whatttt !!
  Portense bien aiight.
La Iglesia es Verdadera....

alive !

Missions are just like every good and bad relationship you've ever had haha. You give all that you have, over and over and over and hope that what you get in return will make up for all that you've given. But because everyone has their ability to choose, it just doesn't turn out how we want it to. We don't always get what we feel like we gave. But on the other hand, we can look back at all that we've learned and think, "MAN. THAT'S why I went through that. THAT'S why I've lost the ability to love people how I did, because I can now look and know that I did my part, and now God can help me turn around and learn how to love all over again." Even though all that we've done may have been taken for granted, even though we've given, and given, and given all that we have and STILL feel like we haven't done a thing, we have got to be okay with the fact that our Heavenly Father may be the only One who notices what we do, and loves us for every single bit. Every single smile, every single pencil we've picked up for someone who was completely capable of doing it themselves. Every single door we've held open, every single thank you we haven't received. Heavenly Father notices every single one. And we need to be okay with that. And we need to recognize that He's blessing us for every single thing we do, because if we solely look at the sacrifices, they're going to drown us completely. We're meant to sacrifice, and we're meant to have the hard times in life. But the Godlike quality in us is that we are able to see the beauty of it. We are able to see how pure a handicapped child is, we are able to smile after months and months and months of tears. We are able to talk  to who we 'normally might not have otherwise' and see that this person just needed love, and you were able to give it to them. I probably sound like a Sister Missionary. But as long as I am one. I'll OWN it. hahah
  But it brings me to this story. Yesterday I had to give a talk in Sacrament Meeting. about missionary work! And I had written what I wanted to talk about the other day, but the whole rest of the week was so crazy that I never got to look back on it. All I remembred from it was that I wanted to talk about Enos, from the Book of Mormon. Sooo yesterday came around, and we're sitting up at the stand translating. And I'm thinking. Beautiful. I'm giving a talk today and I have no idea what I had planned. So! I learned early that freaking out does NOT come from God, so I just started praying, and praying, and begging that Heavenly Father would give me every single word to say, and that He would help me give my whole heart to this talk so that the Branch could see how hard we're trying, and so that at least one of them could have their lives changed, or at least their hearts, or perspectives. And so after I was done praying, I had so much 'calmness'..? come over me, and I realized that it was going to be okay. So I went up there and just started talking. And talking and talking, and rarely did I glance over at the talk I had written to know what to say. It was SO COOL. It was one of those moments that foreign language-speaking missionaries talk about, literally opening their mouths and not knowing what they were saying, yet the words just came out. Just like that. Before I knew it, I realized that I was crying and saying what I hadn't planned on saying AT ALL.. but I gave Heavenly Father my heart, and I told Him that I only wanted to do what He wanted me to. And He did it through me instead. As long as we give Him what isn't ours, He will make it better and make it our own. After, so many members were coming up, one in particualr who helps us with our Spanish.. Hna. Rodriguez, comes up to me afterwards and tells me how good my Spanish is, how I didn't make not one mistake. Cool ! She said, "I leaned over to Sister Michel and said, 'THAT girl has the Spirit.' " hahaha it's so crazy, when God works through you when you aren't even realizing it. When He knows the potencial that we don't know we have. When I think back on the handful.. the 3 missionaries or so that completely saved my mission, it makes me wonder if they realized that God was working through them. Because we never ever ever realize it.
  Anyway, I have a timer on this computer and got to get going. But I love you all so so very much, and I think about you in a non-distracting way. ;)
The Church is so completely true
La Hermana B.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Whoaaa whoa whoa!

Honestly.. I didn't even know we were gonna have a holiday until last week haha. Sooo . Happy Labor Day ! ..?
  I have absolutely no clue what to write in this email hah. It seems like this entire past week was such a blur ! Or maybe my memory just keeps getting more and more shot. I have absolutely no clue. But I'll see if the Spirit gets me to type out SOMEthing that ya'll will get use out of haha.
  Soo. I've been trying to figure out how we can look at ourselves the way Heavenly Father looks at us. It was weird, on Friday we had District Meeting.. it was also Hna. Jardine's quincenera by the way.. ;) and the Zone Leaders had come to this District Meeting. So anyway. Afterwards, the English Sisters wanted blessings, and for some reason, I had felt like I needed a blessing too. I've been trying, and trying and trying to figure out what it is exactly that my Heavenly Father wants me to do in my life, and it absolutely scares me to death, the idea of not following the path that He has for me. It absolutely terrifies me. We all have our ability to choose the decisions we make, and in the past, having made bad decisions that had led me to a bad life, I don't want that for myself again. It's like a weird in-between too, because it's the point where I have to get this stuff taken care of, but still focus myself on missionary work. Like 2 lives in 1 or something haha. But anyway, so it's easy to worry. It's easy to worry, and use that to walk on the edge all the time, and in the end let yourself feel worse. Soo. When it came time to get a blessing, I finally gave in to what Heavenly Father wanted me to do and asked for one. And so it's the 2 Elders and the Zone Leaders around me, completely serious, there to take their time and give me a blessing. And it was so incredible, no matter what kind of people these missionaries were, or are, they were there, as 19 year old kids, with the power of God to help me out. I will never ever EVER get over how amazing that is, and how amazing the priesthood in general is. But anyway ! I was so nervous that I was gonna be completely reganada en la bendicion, y por eso no queria pedirla.Pero tenemos 2 opciones. Podemos escoger a Dios, o podemos escoger todo lo demas. Y nosotros tenemos que escoger. Y nosotros tenemos que escuchar. So I got a blessing. And in it, I was told that what I am going through right now, and what I am going to be going through in the future is and will be fulfilling my patriarchal blessing. And that I'm working with all the heart I have right now, which made ME feel really good haha. But I learned that Heavenly Father just wants to love us, and He just wants us to know that. And Satan just wants us to think the exact opposite, day in and day out, no matter how hard we try. ut I realized that the ay I look at myself is NOT how my Heavenly Father looks at me. It's not even close. And I feel like if we all saw that, we would treat ourselves so much better. We would have so much hope for ourselves, we would have so much hope for what is to become of us. Because we would know that we can do absolutely anything with Him. I feel like that's just what we lack though. We lack the ability to see with His eyes, and to accept how much more we can have. Maybe I'm not making much sense. I only ate an apple so far today and our water isn't drinkable.. so we have to get it from someone els today hah. But ! That's what I feel.
  We've been on bikes this week ! The Zone Leaders still haven't asked for them back, so we've been andando loqita with them haha, and omgosh they're SO MUCH FUN. We get to talk to so many people, and I figured that if there's any time to ride a bike in a skirt. It's now. haha.
  Oh! Another lesson I've learned this week. The importance of communication. :o We will never ever be able to read minds, or else Heavenly Father wouldn't have given us mouths. So I learned that good or bad, talk out whatever needs to be talked out.. with anyone. I as told that the majority of problems in relationships of ANY kind come from misinterpretation, or lack of communication. So we have got to do our part, so Heavenly Father can make US happier in our relationships.
Anyway. That's what I got for now. We'll see what happens this week ! We have an amazing Branch, andd we're still working with our investigators ! We found this less active, and she is having a hard time with being able to trust her husband, because they had had so many problems. The whole story is so sad, but I have also realized this transfer that I really really need to learn how to depend on someone. I REALLY need to. Because we trust in our Heavenly Father so much, an He knows who we need to look to in this earth to be able to trust in. If that makes any sense. We have got to be able to know that even though Satan is so real, Heavenly Father is even more real, and that everyone He gives us leaves us with a lesson, and an ability to love more, and learn more. And trust.
I'm hungry hah.  I really really hope that you're all really really well though ! I pray for you often. Y yo se que el Senor esta alli para cara uno de ustedes. Yo lo se.
  Be good. Choose the right this week. And take a breath. We're all living the good life. :)
Con amor en el calor!..
La Hermana B.
..pero no hay mucho calor.. .... ahah